We're finally getting some movement on the Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher divorce front.
Moore has officially responded to Kutcher's divorce petition, filing documents indicating she wants spousal support and attorney's fees -- even though she's worth more than he is, according to TMZ.
Let that be a lesson for those of you thinking about cheating on your older, richer wife.
Sources supposedly told TMZ that Moore has "got money up the wazoo," which makes it sort of surprising that she's asking for spousal support. It also raises questions as to why she keeps her money "up the wazoo," instead of a bank.
Moore decided to end their marriage in November 2011, after Kutcher's affair with a 23-year-old was all over the tabloids, though he was the one who filed for divorce. I guess that's what happens when Mila Kunis is there to cushion a guy's fall.
Moore, who has divorced twice before, allegedly netted $90 million in her divorce from Bruce Willis, and is reportedly worth $150 million.
I would like to say now that Demi Moore is a beautiful woman whom I would date in a heartbeat. I'm sure my wife would understand.
Kutcher isn't exactly homeless, though, with an estimated worth of $140 million, according to TMZ. The 35-year-old is currently the highest-paid actor on TV, thanks to his leading gig on "Two and a Half Men," from which he earned $24 million between May 2011 and May 2012.
Of course, no one has actually announced any of this. But that's just a small detail and really shouldn't stop anyone from saying it's going to happen.
Stern has spent years proclaiming he's ready for his own network show. His stint on "America's Got Talent," -- one of the most popular family shows on TV -- has supposedly shown he can act like a grown-up and play nice with others, if the money's right.
According to a source close to Stern, NBC may finally be convinced. Giving Stern the "Late Night" gig would reverse NBC's trend of trying out young, upstart comedians in that time slot, dating back to David Letterman in 1982, followed by Conan O'Brien in 1993 and Fallon in 2009.
JESSICA SIMPSON IS HAVING A BOY: Jessica Simpson is having a boy.
She spilled the news on "Jimmy Kimmel Live" on Wednesday when, of course, she was talking about how much she is vomiting during this pregnancy, versus her last pregnancy. Because, as you know, America was wondering.
Then she blurted out, "The crazy thing is I never knew a wiener could make me nauseous!"
Oh yes, she did. And we really can't say much else about that comment without violating normal standards of decency, other than to say that either Jessica Simpson is the cutest woman in the Northern Hemisphere, or her mental development halted somewhere around 13 years old.
According to E! News, after making the remark, Simpson said "Oh, shush," swatting at Kimmel when he burst out laughing.
Asked what she might have intended to say, Simpson admitted, "Well, I guess I just told the world that I'm having a boy!"
"Oh, I didn't even know what was happening! Maybe you were having a girl with a penis, I don't know!" Kimmel shrugged. "Well, congratulations."
"Thank you," Simpson said. "I'm sweating now!"
The wiener-child will be Simpson's second with former 49ers tight end Eric Johnson. Daughter Maxwell was born in May of last year.
Right. She didn't waste any time.
Kimmel asked if the reports were true that she would name her second baby Ace, no matter the gender.
"Let's hope it's a boy" Simpson exclaimed, before admitting, "I kind of just outed that I'm having a boy right? I can't believe I did that! That was not planned."
Of course it wasn't.
PORN SITE WANTS KOBE TO DUNK: An adult website wants Kobe Bryant and LeBron James in next year's NBA Slam Dunk Contest, and is willing to spend $5 million to see it happen.
Good. I'm tired of spending 23 seconds on Google every year, trying to figure out the participants are.
Sex.com, which describes itself as the "virtual pinboard for porn," is offering the Los Angeles Lakers star $5 million to take part in the contest -- on the condition that LeBron James also participates.
Clever ... a porn site gets affiliated with the NBA by offering someone gobs of cash.
But they aren't the only ones tired of no-name dunk competitions (high profile players have tended to skip the competition in recent years). NBA legend Magic Johnson recently said he would pony up a $1 million in prize money if James took part in the event. Which makes one think about the "South Park" episode in which Johnson was portrayed as having giant stacks of money in his bedroom.
The website said the competition would bring some excitement to the contest, pointing to the ongoing debate among fans over which of the two NBA stars is the better player. Yes, because dunking is the measure of the best player. Just ask former dunk champ and 17-time all-star and future hall-of-famer Harold Miner.
That's right -- who?
Anyway, Sex.com says the five million-dollar offer would go to a charity of Bryant's choice.
KELLY OSBOURNE HAS SEIZURE: Kelly Osbourne was rushed to the hospital Thursday after having a seizure while taping her show "Fashion Police."
Osbourne was led out of the studio by stretcher into a waiting ambulance, as people held up white sheets to shield her from the media.
According to TMZ, Osbourne was sitting in a chair, filming the show in front of a full studio audience. Melissa Rivers was sitting next to her, filling in for Giuliana Rancic. Osbourne turned to Rivers and supposedly said "I don't feel good," then she fell to the floor and started shaking. Rivers turned Osbourne's head to help her while an audience member -- possibly some kind of emergency responder -- ran up to help.
Osbourne recovered a few minutes later, but was still taken to the hospital.
The incident occurred at the E! building on Wilshire Blvd., Los Angeles, just before noon. Less than an hour after the episode, there was no word on her condition.
MARCH 8 IN HISTORY
Friday is March 8, the 67th day of 2013. There are 298 days left in the year.
1702: England's Queen Anne acceded to the throne upon the death of King William III.
1854: U.S. Commodore Matthew C. Perry made his second landing in Japan; within a month, he concluded a treaty with the Japanese.
1862: During the Civil War, the ironclad CSS Virginia rammed and sank the USS Cumberland and heavily damaged the USS Congress, both frigates, off Newport News, Va.
1874: The 13th president of the United States, Millard Fillmore, died in Buffalo, N.Y., at age 74.
1917: Russia's "February Revolution" (so called because of the Old Style calendar used by Russians at the time) began with rioting and strikes in Petrograd; the result was the abdication of the Russian monarchy in favor of a provisional government.
1930: The 27th president of the United States, William Howard Taft, died in Washington at age 72.
1942: Imperial Japanese forces occupied Yangon in Burma during World War II.
1963: A military coup in Syria brought the Baath Party to power.
1965: The United States landed its first combat troops in South Vietnam as 3,500 Marines were brought in to defend the U.S. air base at Da Nang.
1971: Joe Frazier defeated Muhammad Ali by decision in what was billed as "The Fight of the Century" at Madison Square Garden in New York.
1983: In a speech to the National Association of Evangelicals convention in Orlando, Fla., President Ronald Reagan referred to the Soviet Union as an "evil empire."
1988: Seventeen soldiers were killed when two Army helicopters from Fort Campbell, Ky., collided in mid-flight.
2003: The militant Islamic group Hamas vowed revenge after one of its founding members and three bodyguards were killed in an Israeli helicopter attack in Gaza; the Israeli army promised to strike the militants again.
2008: President George W. Bush vetoed a bill that would have banned the CIA from using simulated drowning and other coercive interrogation methods to gain information from suspected terrorists.
2012: Syria's deputy oil minister (Abdo Husameddine), looking tense, announced in a video that he had defected from President Bashar Assad's regime. Jesse Owens was posthumously made an inaugural member of the IAAF Hall of Fame more than 75 years after he won four gold medals at the 1936 Berlin Olympics (Owens, Carl Lewis, Jackie Joyner-Kersee and nine others were the first athletes to be honored by the IAAF in its newly created Hall of Fame.)
Baseball player-turned-author Jim Bouton (74), songwriter Carole Bayer Sager (69), actor-director-singer Micky Dolenz (68), baseball great Jim Rice (60), singer Gary Numan (55), actor Aidan Quinn (54), actress Camryn Manheim (52), actor Freddie Prinze Jr. (37), actor James Van Der Beek (36).