Miley Cyrus tops Maxim's annual "Hot 100" list.
Right. The skinny Disney kid with the weird haircut.
"If feels amazing to be the No. 1," Cyrus told Maxim. "It's every woman's fantasy to be told she's No. 1 on Maxim's Hot 100! So crazy!"
According to the Huffington Post, Maxim said Cyrus held the top spot from the very beginning of four months' worth of reader voting.
"This pixie-haired beauty brought it home for America, storming to the top spot the first week of voting and never losing command of her seat of world power," said the Maxim press release. "So as we officially rename 2013 the Year of the Miley, let's all party in the U.S.A. and rock out to her collaborations with Maxim heroes like Snoop Lion and will.i.am. Miley, we hereby anoint thee Queen of Our Hearts."
OK, just stop.
Cyrus is followed on the list by Selena Gomez, whose bikini-wearing, bong-smoking role in "Spring Breakers" undoubtedly helped to magnify her sex appeal this year. Rihanna, Mila Kunis and Jennifer Lawrence round out the top five.
There were some surprises. "Today" show host Hoda Kotb is No. 79. Right -- the one who gets drunk with Kathie Lee Gifford. Maxim refers to the 48-year-old as an "Egyptian goddess."
California's attorney general Kamala Harris -- who received global attention when President Obama referred to her as "by far, the best looking attorney general in the country," made the list at No. 54.
And just for fun, Manti Te'o's imaginary girlfriend was listed at No. 69.
In the upset department, Beyoncé failed to crack the top 10, landing at No. 14. Megan Fox and Blake Lively were ranked in the 20s, while Ashley Benson and Kat Dennings placed in the 80s. Sophia Vergara fell to No. 49.
Salma Hayek didn't make the list at all. Hoda Kotb was 49, but no Salma Hayek.
Someone over at Maxim needs to be arrested.