SKATE DIRECTOR: We have a relative who was an attorney who, several years ago, did a little time in the joint for something we seem to recall as some shady dealings in hiding some money for some people we like to think of as being involved in organized crime. A few years after he got out, we asked him how he was doing, inasmuch as he'd lost his license.
"Great!" he said. "I'm on a bunch of boards of directors, and I get money for doing nothing."
It was at that moment we got the brilliant idea to become an attorney, do a little stand-up time in the pokey, lose our license and get ourself on a bunch of boards of directors and get money for doing nothing.
We took a giant step toward that goal - skipping gaily past the whole law-practice hurdle - when we joined the board of directors for the Action Sports Kids Foundation (ASK) Wednesday in a glorious ceremony at the foundation's world headquarters.
Now comes something we had nothing to do with, but will nevertheless put on our list of accomplishments as a director: The Action Sports Kids Foundation Benefit Concert starting at 4 p.m. Sunday at diPiazza's Restaurant & Lounge, 5205 E. Pacific Coast Highway.
You get some great sounds and sideshows, including Long Beach's mighty Paperplanes, the Sly Digs and Plasma Cannon. You get the Sirena Serpentina Tribal Fire Bellydancers. You get the comedic stylings of MC Tony "The Ruckus" Rucker.
You're looking at a $60 retail value for all that entertainment, but it costs you just $8, which goes toward the efforts and programs of ASK, which is dedicated to providing youth an alternative to the streets and gangs through sports, education and the arts.
The directors get nothing, which isn't in keeping with our dreams and plans, but we're just starting out.
The show is open to all ages. For more info, check out www.asklongbeach
JUSTICE OF THE PIECE OF PIE: Add to our board of directing a lifelong passion for the judicial system, in which we practice our own brand of frontier justice in determining the highest quality in things ranging from tribute bands to human-powered flying machines and, of course, the bread and butter of judgmanship: chocolate.
We'll be among the judging panel for the ninth year when the Belmont Shore Chocolate Festival comes to Second Street from 1-4 p.m. Feb. 9.
If you're wondering why we're waking you up this early to tell you about something a couple of weeks in the murky future, it's because if we're going to do our job, we're going to need something to judge which, to review, in this case, means chocolate.
The festival is looking for entries in the categories of Cakes & Pies, Cookies & Brownies and the always exciting Unique Chocolate Treats.
To enter, download rules and an entry form at www.belmontshore.org, or pick them up at the Belmont Shore Business Association office at 200 Nieto Ave., Suite 200B. Forms should be entered, with an entry fee of $10, by Feb. 1.
FREE WATER: If you're not collecting nature's glorious bounty of rainwater, you're literally pouring money into the gutter. Must be nice to have your money.
Nowadays, us green folk collect rainwater in rain barrels and use it during the dry months for irrigation and water-balloon fights.
If you're bereft of a barrel, Hughes Middle School's Eco-Club is throwing a Do-It-Yourself Rain Barrel Workshop at 11 a.m. Sunday at the Expo Arts Center, 4321 Atlantic Ave., in Bixby Knolls.
The idea of a rain barrel isn't to just set it out in the yard to catch whatever falls into it, but rather to collect what's flowing off your roof. This can add up to a staggering amount of water - hundreds of gallons in just one good downpour; thousands of gallons over a rain season.
In the free workshop, you'll learn how to make rain barrels and how to hook it up to catch water cascading from your roof.
To register, or for more info, call Cathy Procopio, 562-989-0970, or send an email to email@example.com.