CORRECTION: Due to an editing error, our Monday column was not identified as satire, or even as just horsing around. In fact, it was about 30 percent satire, 50 percent just horsing around and 20 percent filler.
CORRECTION: In our Monday column, we implied that 5th District council candidate Joseph D. Luyben's company, JDL Packaging Systems, has a possible affiliation with the Jewish Defense League. The JDL in the company's name is, rather, merely the owner's initials. He has no ties with any terrorist organization that we know of.
CORRECTION: Due to a self-esteem error, we kinda thought the whole JDL thing was funny. It was not. A caller named Eric told us, "The Luybens are Catholic, not Jewish. This is really a non-humor silly kind of thing for somebody to print. I don't know why someone would even think what was printed would be funny to anyone."
CORRECTION: In our answering-machine message we indicate that we are sorry we missed your call. In fact, we're merely sorry. On our answering machine, an old lady tells us, "This is that `old lady' again. You say on your message that you're sorry you missed my call, but I think you're just damned sorry. Very sorry." We regret the error.
CORRECTION: While writing about Joseph D. Luyben's background, we noted that he graduated from Lakewood High School and we indicated that there might be something "wrong" with Lakewood. There is, in fact, nothing wrong with Lakewood. An anonymous caller noted, "You seem to be pretty biased when you talk about Lakewood High School just because you went to Wilson or wherever the hell you went. What's wrong with Lakewood? There's nothing wrong with Lakewood whatsoever. Some of the Luybens went to St. Anthony, some went to Lakewood, but there's nothing wrong with that."
CORRECTION: We indicated in the same article that Lakewood High School is in the city of Lakewood. Apparently, it is in Long Beach. The "old lady" tells us, "Check your geography, look at where it is. It is in Long Beach. That is spelled L-O-N-G B-E-A-C-H. And it's the home of the Lancers. That's L-A-N-C-E-R-S. Period."
CORRECTION: Turns out everything was OK. Ignore all previous corrections, except, maybe, the Lakewood ones. A nice lady (old-ish, but not THE "old lady") left a message: "I don't know why these people with no sense of humor even read your column. I love it and I loved the things you wrote about the JDL company name. I'm 79 years old and I just love your column. It's the first thing I read every day."
CORRECTION: After additional research, it has been determined Lakewood High School is, in fact, in the city of Lakewood. Why do we ever doubt ourself? We regret the error. Long Beach is spelled the way the "old lady" spelled it. Not sure about Lancers. Wasn't Lancers the name of the wine we used to drink back in the 1970s?
CLARIFICATION: Perhaps the confusion over what city Lakewood High is in stems from the fact that it is in the Long Beach Unified School District. This was clarified by a caller who told us "Whether you like it or not, Lakewood High is in the Long Beach Unified School District. If you don't like it, why don't you tell the district to take Lakewood out of the Moore League? So what? Shut the hell up!"
CORRECTION: The old-ish lady (not the "old lady") who claimed to read our column before anything else every day does not read our column before anything else every day. "I can't lie," she said, right after she did, in fact, lie. "I read Sports first."