FUNNY Pete Rose, 71, to Entertainment Weekly, on his upcoming reality TV show with 30-something fiancée Kiana Kim: "We're just a normal family with 4,200 hits."
WOW Canadian basketball player Kim Smith says there's a good reason she's postponing her wedding until after the London Olympics. "We didn't want to be planning a wedding for the middle of the summer and all of a sudden I break my nose and have two black eyes," she told the Vancouver (B.C.) Sun. "International basketball can get rough."
COOL British tennis star Andy Murray, dismissing claims he doesn't laugh, while answering questions from the media: "I laugh a lot, just not in front of you guys, your questions aren't funny."
WEIRD Canadian sportscaster Paul Romanuk, via Twitter, before Andy Murray played in the Wimbledon men's singles final: "Good luck to Murray -- British to the English if he wins, a Scot if he loses."
STRANGE Novak Djokovic was bizarrely asked how his dog
WEB GEM Larry Bird, via Twitter, on Kobe Bryant's claims that this year's U.S. Olympic basketballers could beat the legendary 1992 Dream Team: "They probably could. I haven't played in 20 years, and we're all old now."
MEMORY LANE Back when Tommy Lasorda was managing the Dodgers' Class AAA farm team in Spokane, Wash., more than 40 years ago, he let his big-league bosses know that Hawaii Islanders play-by-play man Al Michaels might someday be a fitting successor to Vin Scully, Padres broadcaster Ted Leitner revealed. So how did Lasorda learn of Michaels' burgeoning talents? "Because I've been thrown out of three straight games, and I've been listening in the clubhouse."
HARD TO BELIEVE The NCAA says Cal Tech used ineligible players and must forfeit a season's worth of victories. The basketball team's 310-game conference losing streak ended last season, and the baseball team will vacate all wins during a period in which it went 0-112, and the men's water polo team will vacate every win achieved while going 0-66. Wrote Bill Plaschke of the Los Angeles Times, "Cal Tech (is) the school that couldn't succeed at sports if it cheated."
SIGN OF THE TIMES Boxer Martin Tucker has been charged with robbing a Monroe, Mich., bank in 2009 -- and all because an alert FBI agent staking out one of his fights seized a discarded Q-tip used on Martin's bloody nose, The Detroit News reported. Seems the DNA on the swab matched that found on the stolen getaway car's steering wheel.
ODDLY Len Berman of ThatsSports.com, on reports that Olympic beach volleyballers might trade in their skimpy bikinis for leggings and sleeves because of cold-weather forecasts: "I think we're about to find out who the real fans of beach volleyball are."
QUOTE OF THE DAY Lake Tahoe comedy writer Bill Littlejohn: "The Vatican is reportedly $19 million in the red -- the Pope said they'd relocate if a new cathedral can be built in Los Angeles"
FAIL Now even actor Charlie Sheen is claiming he used steroids, back in 1989, to beef himself up for his pitching role as Ricky "Wild Thing" Vaughn in "Major League." "Baseball has reached a new low," wrote Eric Kolenich of the Richmond (Va.) Times-Dispatch. "Even its fictional heroes are tainted."
BROUHAHA From Dwight Perry of The Seattle Times: Penn State had its football priorities way out of whack, the Freeh Report concluded. "That's ludicrous," said one of the 1,115 persons -- media members, bowl reps, corporate sponsors -- issued a credential for SEC Media Days.
NOT GOOD Greg Cote of the Miami Herald, on new Dolphins coach Joe Philbin completing his 21-member coaching staff: "Miami is the only team with an assistant coach in charge of counting other assistant coaches."