Even Miley is, like, totally hating on Rebecca.
"It should be harder to be an artist," Miley Cyrus, without a shred of irony, told a radio show recently. She was referring to 13-year-old YouTube sensation Rebecca Black, whose single "Friday" repeatedly has been called the worst video of the worst song ever made -- by people who can't sing any better than the average basset hound. "You shouldn't just be able to put a song on YouTube and go out on tour," Cyrus said.
No. Instead, one should have her washed-up father push her into the business to give himself a second career and a shiny new gravy train.
Dude, that's rude
Questions of Miley being an "artist" aside (stops typing, tries not to laugh, almost shoots something out nose, continues typing), it just shows how harsh the criticism of poor Rebecca has become the last few weeks. She's the product of a racket called the ARK music factory, which takes $2,000 from parents to write and produce a pop song for their child to sing. The singer owns the master recording and the company owns the publishing rights. It's not clear whether there's any promotion or distribution put into it, other than putting them on YouTube and hoping to catch lighting in a bottle.
Rebecca has indeed caught lightning "... and been hit with it. Repeatedly.
The video has spawned countless YouTube parodies (I recommend the "Bob Dylan" version). As of
Whoa. If that's the penalty for making horrid music, why does Air Supply keep showing up at county fairs?
That's exactly what you want to tell a self-conscious 13-year-old girl -- that she should be dead over a stupid song. This is what our computer-based social culture has come to: Pathetically anonymous people hiding behind screens, spewing vitriol at a child. It's nothing more or less than online bullying -- a serious issue that has prompted some kids to commit suicide.
Oh, don't get me wrong (Rebecca, don't read the next paragraph). "Friday" is uniquely terrible. I honestly thought it was a Disney teen star parody. My 2-year-old puts together more sensical sentences ("We so excited, we so excited, we so excited!"). Her voice isn't very good, and that's after being run through so much Auto-tuning she sounds like a Cylon from the original "Battlestar Galactica." Whoever taught her to enunciate should be thrown in prison for child abuse. "Howard the Duck" was easier to sit through.
But "... it's not the poor girl's fault.
The reality is that 13-year-old Rebecca Black is being used as a tool by a bunch of adults who are now responsible for her being slapped around the Internet worse than Jose Canseco in a boxing ring. Mom and/or Dad had the bright idea that their cute little princess could be a star, and that one day the Brinks truck would pull up the Blacks' driveway to unload piles of cash.
Slam them instead. A 13-year-old has no idea what she's doing. Recall your ability to comprehend reality at 13. When I was 13, two friends and I tried to order a full-sized bass boat with someone's credit card, believing we could somehow hide it from our parents and use it on weekends.
No, that's not a joke.
If Miley Cyrus -- a genetically engineered and carefully crafted pop star possessing as much talent as a third-rate Poison tribute band -- is attacking her, then Rebecca has pretty much hit rock bottom.
The good news is the only place to go from there is up.