You people are really fired up right about now, aren't you?
"You people" would be 49ers fans, who on Sunday will have their biggest day since ... whenever the 49ers last won one of those Super Bowl thingies. I stopped counting at three, because like most Oakland Raiders fans, I have a streak of denial wider than the footprint of that new stadium the 49ers are building in Santa Clara.
Got a feeling
But since I am a football fan, I'll be glued to the television, because I have a feeling it's going to be a good game.
So, please be quiet.
There are two good reasons for someone like me (a handsome, gregarious, non-49ers-loving football fan) to want
One, I would rather eat my spleen than be in a house full of Niners fans while they possibly win another Super Bowl. I've done it before, and the memory still makes me shudder.
It's nothing personal. The 49ers are a spectacular and smart team that deserves the spoils of whatever it can conquer. I won't necessarily be rooting against them, either. Living in Los Angeles for three years among Dodgers and (ugh) Lakers fans gives a guy a certain loyalty to his home region.
My bitterness goes back to the early 1980s, when the 49ers started winning and the Raiders up and moved to hell, which looks a lot like the Los Angeles Coliseum. If you chose to jump to the 49ers, good for you. I
Some of you -- like my Aunt Janet, whose Super Bowl party I am avoiding like it was a raging forest fire -- didn't need to switch, because you were always fans. Some of you go back to the Kezar Stadium days. Some of you were born after the 49ers started winning and became fans. Some of you are from generations of Niners fans. To you I say, congratulations. Now get away from me.
Shut the (bleep) up
The second reason I won't be attending any Super Bowl parties isn't 49ers-specific but speaks to how big an event the Super Bowl has become, even to nonfans, who care more about food, drink and socializing than blocking and tackling. In other words, you people don't shut up during the game. But it is the Super Bowl, after all, so I want to pay attention. And the folks who salivate more over the overpriced, cutesy commercials than the action on the field are terribly distracting.
I don't care about how your kid is doing in school. I don't care if you're considering switching companies but don't know how you could manage the commute. I don't care about your stupid new shoes, nor do I care about you considering upgrading to a hybrid SUV. I just want to watch -- and hear -- some football.
Plus, I am dying to see what Beyonce is wearing during the halftime show.
Yes, it's somewhat ironic that the most important game of the year has become the most difficult to watch. Then again, I can't rule anything out. If there are non-Niners fans who have an incredible chili recipe they'd like to share, give me a shout. I'll be at home.