A co-worker found God the other day.
My friend experienced this revelation when she checked her Twitter account and found a retweet of a post from @TheTweetOfGod. It seemed the Supreme Being had a really fun, irreverent sense of humor, so my friend instantly became a follower.
A tweeting god was certainly news to me, yet the Big Man on Cloud could very well have been online for an eternity, since when it comes to hot Internet trends, I'm usually a dollar short and about 472 days late. It's true I was unaware of the infamous honey badger video until this spring. But it's OK. I really don't care, and neither does the honey badger.
Anyway, back to God. He is blessed with 927,264 followers, but that's not really saying a lot -- even Shatner has racked up numbers approaching Biblical proportions at 1,584,802 and counting. God Himselfis only following one person: Justin Bieber. (See previous reference to sense of humor.) But He's produced a flood of tweets. More than 8,700, since at least March of 2012, which is as far back as I felt like scrolling. (See previous reference about not caring.)
Some of this digital deity's recent posts include:
"Humanity needs to man up and take responsibility for My actions."
"An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. But a tooth is worth half an eye, so an eye for two teeth also works, if you're out of eyes."
"America is the greatest country on earth at thinking it's the greatest country on earth."
"Just updated My Facebook status from 'Single' to 'In a Trinity.' #wayoverdue."
I'm quite the Doubting Thomas when it comes to stuff like this. For one thing, there's no little blue check mark by His name to verify the account. His profile photo doesn't look a thing like Morgan Freeman, or even George Burns, for that matter. Does He expect us to just take all this on faith or suffer His wrath of fire and brimstone six ways from Sunday? Hmm -- there has been a lot of lightning lately. And it's true He's been known to move in mysterious ways. So who am I to judge?
Even so, I tweeted Him a couple of questions as a test:
"Who really killed JFK?"
"What happened to my favorite Barbie doll? Did my sneaky cousin Sally steal it?"
"Who's older? You, or Larry King?"
Did He respond? Heck no. Must be busy, what with riding co-pilot for millions of motorists.
Lo and behold, upon closer examination it seems @TheTweetOfGod page links suspiciously to the Amazon page for a book called "The Last Testament: A Memoir by God," list price $23.99 (http://tinyurl.com/lasttestament). It cites "God" as the author, and David Javerbaum -- former head writer and executive producer of "The Daily Show With Jon Stewart" -- as mere contributor. But somehow I'm thinking it's the other way around.
Well, well, so it's not the Almighty after all. Miracles never cease. As I recall, there's some commandment about taking the Lord's name in vain. But maybe the devil made him do it.
Speaking of ...
Did you know Lucifer's online too? Yup, @unholySatan. Though hot, the Prince of Darkness only has about 5,100 followers and tweets stuff like, "Watchin' the Oxygen channel, eating ice cream," "Straight gangsta in my new shades," and during the 2012 election, "A vote for Romney is a vote for me."
There are also a couple of Adam & Eves out there. One bills itself as "The official Twitter account for the online sex toy and adult DVD retailer." (Yikes. See previous reference about Lucifer.) And another is the Adam and Eve Dressing Service in London's Brick Lane, which offers "discreet and professional male to female makeovers."
Tweeting gods are surprisingly legion. There's @god, who say, "Hells yeah, it's me! Heaven." This god is not as funny as Javerbaum's god, talking about stuff like summer reading recommendations -- he likes "The Ghost Bride" -- and he follows 42 people including astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson, Al Yankovic, Stephen Colbert, President Barack Obama and someone named Carol.
Personally, I prefer to look for my Higher Power in the beauty of a flower or the smile of a friend, rather than on social media. But at least it's good to know the Real God truly does have a sense of humor. After all, She created man. Amen.