Here's a tip: When it's 102 degrees outside your home, don't vacation where it's even hotter. In an RV. With the family.
But when we bought this rig two years ago, we promised ourselves we'd use it. So come hell (which it did) or high water (where we went), we decided to take a trip to the Sacramento Delta and go fishing with the grandkids.
While you readers were enjoying the cool 99-degree heat, we were being deep-fried in 105-degree weather. But we weren't worried, since the RV has AC, a TV, and all the comforts of home (unless you forget everything.)
When we arrived, it took my husband 15 minutes to fit our 36-foot rectangle into a square hole. Our RV neighbors sat in folding chairs and watched the "entertainment" until my husband finally backed into a tree and called the rig "parked."
Since it was too hot to barbecue, we opted for the bar and grill nearby. Hungry from all that vigorous parking, my husband ordered a steak, medium-rare. It came well done. While he's not usually the type to send things back, this steak was like beef jerky, so he signaled the waitress and asked for another -- medium-rare. The second steak arrived 10 minutes later -- well done.
The following day, the temperature rose a few more notches, so we cranked up the AC. Apparently when a hundred RVs all turn their air conditioners on high all day and night, the park can't handle the overload, so we spent the day virtually without air. As for the TV, we only got one channel -- an infomercial about spray-on makeup available at only $29.99, plus four easy payments of $49.99 or else a bill collector will come to your door.
When our kids arrived, they realized it was too hot to do anything but swim in the "refreshing" (unheated) pool, so we spent the rest of the afternoon watching grandkids perform cannonballs and scream, "Marco Polo."
When it "cooled off" to around 90, the dads took the kids fishing off the dock. Meanwhile the moms headed up to the restaurant deck. From there we could watch the menfolk while sipping strawberry margaritas and munching on onion rings. Unfortunately, we got the same waitress as the night before, and she brought us calamari by mistake.
When the kids began catching fish, we girls cheered them on. After they took "it was this big" photos, they threw the fish back in the water to "be with their families." The kids were hungry from all that fishing, so they joined us for snacks on the deck. We fed them calamari and told them it was onion rings.
Finally it was bedtime. After opening up all the tiny windows, we slept coverless, listening to the sound of other people's air conditioners go on and off all night.
The next morning we packed up early in an attempt to beat the next heat wave and headed home. My son and his family stopped off and bought a couple of goldfish to keep as pets in memory of the fishing trip. The kids named them Squishy and Mr. Orange.
Unfortunately, by the time they got home, Squishy was dead, and Mr. Orange looked a little green around the gills. It was probably the heat.
Contact Penny Warner at www. pennywarner.com.