Fiona Apple admitted the hash and marijuana on her tour bus was hers when she was arrested Wednesday night in Texas, according to TMZ.com.
She may be a stoner, but she's an honest stoner.
The Hudspeth County Sheriff's Office said Apple's 2004 tour bus entered the U.S. Border Patrol Checkpoint in Sierra Blanca around 8 p.m. on Sept. 19 and officers performed a "routine" check of the vehicle.
During the sweep, officers used drug-sniffing dogs, which detected the presence of narcotics in a blue backpack.
That's right. Pot. Reefer. The crazy weed. The silly grass. The Maui wowie. The Thai stick. The Panama red. The ...
You get the idea.
Cops say the backpack contained a glass container with .01 pounds of weed and .01 pounds of hash.
Those crazed druggies at TMZ say each is about the size of golf ball. We wouldn't know.
The police said Apple "freely admitted" the drugs were hers and she was placed under arrest. She spent the night in jail and was released Thursday on $10,000 bond.
PARIS HILTON SAYS SMART THINGS: Paris Hilton said most gay men have AIDS.
Well, that's it then. When such a respected and educated medical genius says something like that, it's got to be true.
The brainiac said so during a Sept. 7 cab ride in New York City, according to RadarOnline. Hilton's rep said the cabdriver secretly
During the conversation, a man can be heard bringing up Grindr, which is a popular social website that gay men sometimes use to find partners.
Hilton responded by saying, "Ewwww. Gay guys are the horniest people in the world. Most of them probably have AIDS. I would be so scared if I was a gay guy. You'll, like, die of AIDS."
Right. Because they all have way more of a chance of catching something than Paris Hilton.
At one point in the conversation, according to TMZ, which was apparently quoting RadarOnline, Hilton called gay men "disgusting."
Hilton's rep released a statement saying, "Paris Hilton's comments were to express that it is dangerous for anyone to have unprotected sex that could lead to a life threatening disease."
Right, like ... totally. Ewww and OMG, dude.
"The conversation became heated, after a close gay friend told her in a cab ride, a story about a gay man who has AIDS and is knowingly having unprotected sex," the rep said. "He also discussed a website that encourages random sex by gay men with strangers. As she was being shown the website her comments were in reference to those people promoting themselves on the site. The cabdriver who recorded this, only provided a portion of the conversation."
Of course. It left out the part about all the scientific research she's been doing that has her close to finding a cure.
"It was not her intent to make any derogatory comments about all gays. Paris Hilton is a huge supporter of the gay community and would never purposefully make any negative statements about anyone's sexual orientation."
Right. It was all an accident. What comes out of her mouth is someone else's fault.
AMANDA BYNES IS DOING GREAT, HONEST: Amanda Bynes is doing amazing, doesn't drink, never did, wasn't arrested, and is on the verge of becoming a seriously big deal in the world of high fashion.
Bynes called People magazine Wednesday and was either truly lucid, medicated or a robot.
"I am doing amazing," she said. "I am retired as an actor. I am moving to New York to launch my career. I am going to do a fashion line," said Bynes, who was reportedly polite, respectful and upbeat on the phone. "I am not talking about being arrested for DUI because I don't drink, and I don't drink and drive. It is all false."
Right. The Earth is flat, the moon landing was a hoax and toasters can talk.
"People around Amanda are really concerned about her," a source, who has spent time with Bynes in recent months, told People. "She tells people she doesn't party or drink. She doesn't realize she has a problem."
This week, the former Nickelodeon star was "a mess," according to an witness who saw her working out at Equinox gym in West Hollywood on Tuesday evening.
During a spin class, the observer said, "Amanda stopped to take her T-shirt off, revealing only a tiny, black, strapless push-up bra -- not a sports bra."
Look, it's important for a girl to be comfortable when she works out.
Bynes apparently spent the next few minutes adjusting her bra and hair extensions, then picked up her Louis Vuitton handbag and "pulled out her makeup kit and started reapplying her lipstick and eyeliner while looking at herself in the large mirror in front of her," the onlooker said.
Look, it's important for a girl to look good when she works out.
After doing her makeup for approximately 10 minutes, Bynes put her shirt back on, picked up her things and left.
On Wednesday, Bynes' attorney, Richard Hutton, appeared in a Beverly Hills courthouse where the judge denied a $50,000 bail request from prosecutors for her April DUI arrest. The judge said if Bynes breaks any road rules going forward, a high but unspecified bail amount will be imposed, according to TMZ.
This should end well.
KELSEY GRAMMER SEEMS UNHAPPY: Kelsey Grammer stormed out of CNN's studios in New York City on Thursday morning moments before his scheduled interview with Piers Morgan, allegedly because producers aired a picture of Grammer's ex-wife at the start of the show.
Maybe he just decided he doesn't like British people.
Morgan wrote on Twitter "Kelsey Grammer was supposed to be on my show now but ran out of the building. Strange."
He continued, "Kelsey Grammer saw a photo of his ex-wife Camille in the open to our show and legged it. Extraordinary. Never had this happen before. I had a very friendly chat with Kelsey backstage. He said he was really looking forward to the interview. Weird."
He added, "I like Kelsey Grammer personally, but this was a shockingly unprofessional thing to do. I wasn't even going to mention his ex-wife!"
Of course he wasn't.
Kelsey's rep responded in a statement, saying, "Piers needs to take responsibility for what he did to Kelsey. It's called accountability."
Someone's a little sensitive.
SEPTEMBER 21 IN HISTORY
Friday is Sept. 21, the 265th day of 2012. There are 101 days left in the year.
1792: The French National Convention voted to abolish the monarchy.
1893: One of America's first horseless carriages was taken for a short test drive in Springfield, Mass., by Frank Duryea, who had designed the vehicle with his brother, Charles.
1897: The New York Sun ran its famous editorial, written anonymously by Francis P. Church, which declared, "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus."
1912: Magician Harry Houdini first publicly performed his so-called "Chinese Water Torture Cell" trick at the Circus Busch in Berlin, escaping after being immersed upside-down in a vertical water tank, his ankles secured in a set of stocks which made up the tank lid, which was locked into place.
1937: "The Hobbit," by J.R.R. Tolkien, was first published by George Allen & Unwin, Ltd. of London.
1938: A hurricane struck parts of New York and New England, causing widespread damage and claiming some 700 lives.
1948: Milton Berle made his debut as permanent host of "The Texaco Star Theater" on NBC-TV.
1962: "The Jack Paar Program," a weekly, prime-time show that followed Paar's stint on "The Tonight Show," began a three-year run.
1970: "NFL Monday Night Football" made its debut on ABC-TV as the Cleveland Browns defeated the visiting New York Jets, 31-21.
1982: Amin Gemayel, brother of Lebanon's assassinated president-elect, Bashir Gemayel, was himself elected president. National Football League players began a 57-day strike, their first regular-season walkout ever.
1987: NFL players called a strike, mainly over the issue of free agency. (The 24-day walkout prompted football owners to hire replacement players.)
1989: Hurricane Hugo crashed into Charleston, S.C. (the storm was blamed for 26 directly-caused U.S. deaths). Twenty-one students in Alton, Texas, died when their school bus, involved in a collision with a soft-drink delivery truck, careened into a water-filled pit.
2002: A defiant Iraq said it would not abide by a U.N. resolution imposing new conditions in the weapons inspections issue or threatening war. Israel planted its flag in Yasser Arafat's West Bank compound and threatened to blow up his offices in an effort to make the Palestinian leader surrender militants or leave into exile. Angelo Buono Jr., whose gruesome killing of young Los Angeles women in the 1970s earned him the nickname "Hillside Strangler," died in a California prison; he was 67.
2007: One student was mortally wounded, another injured, at Delaware State University. (A suspected gunman was indicted for second-degree murder, but the case was dismissed by a judge because prosecutors withheld evidence.)
2011: Josh Fattal and Shane Bauer, two Americans jailed in Iran as spies, left Tehran for the Gulf state of Oman, closing a high-profile drama that brought more than two years of hope and heartbreak for their families. The state of Texas executed Lawrence Russell Brewer for his role in the gruesome dragging death of James Byrd Jr. The state of Georgia executed Troy Davis, who used his last words to declare his innocence in the killing of police officer Mark MacPhail. Alternative rock group R.E.M. announced on its website that it had "decided to call it a day as a band."
Actor Larry Hagman (81), singer Leonard Cohen (78), author-comedian Fannie Flagg (71), producer Jerry Bruckheimer (69), musician Don Felder (65), author Stephen King (65), Basketball Hall of Famer Artis Gilmore (63), actor-comedian Bill Murray (62), rock musician Philthy Animal (58), movie producer-writer Ethan Coen (55), actress Nancy Travis (51), actor Rob Morrow (50), retired MLB All-Star Cecil Fielder (49), actress Cheryl Hines (47), country singer Faith Hill (45), rock musician Tyler Stewart (Barenaked Ladies) (45), actress-talk show host Ricki Lake (44), rapper Dave (De La Soul) (44), actor Alfonso Ribeiro (41), actor Luke Wilson (41), TV personality Nicole Richie (31).