Welcome back, "Amazing Race" devotees, to the tenth leg as the teams head for Mallorca, the Spanish island the Sri Lankan twins insist on pronouncing with Ls intact. The Texans pronounce it Malacora.
The fabulous Beekmans, of course, pronounce it correctly. They may be the biggest bumblers, but those New York goat farmers can handle anything relating to Russian time zones, tsars or foreign pronunciation. Also, farm equipment. Frustration, cooperation and anything achy or uncomfortable? Not so much.
Josh twisted his ankle running across a field last time and it's swathed in Ace bandages now. "Can you practice your Lamaze breathing?" Brent asks.
"I'm not pregnant," Josh says indignantly.
"Breathe through the pain, " Brent says, demonstrating. "I'm breathing through the pain for you."
"Thank you. It still hurts," Josh retorts.
The three front-runner teams -- the Texans, whiny twins and ever-cheery Chippendales -- all make their way to Barcelona, where they discover the overnight ferry to Mallorca doesn't leave until late that night, so they decide to explore Barcelona and go play at the beach. Good decision. Back at the ferry, they discover that the Beekmans are the fourth team. Hugs all around!
Landing in Mallorca the next morning, they head off to the Dalt Murada to search for devils and demons playing with fire. "We're searching for Lucifer at 7:00 in the morning. I don't know how I feel about that," Jaymes
The devilish fire dancers are a spectacle, all right. If the dancing thing doesn't work out for them, they could probably do well as a heavy metal cover band. They've got the demonic tongue darting thing down really well. The devils eventually relinquish their clues, sending teams off in stick shift cars to find tennis star Rafael Nadal's practice courts -- and we discover that Nadiya is clutch-challenged. "What's wrong with you?" Natalie whines. "What's wrong with yoooooou?" Nadiya whines back as the car lurches, lurches and lurches some more.
At the clay courts, one member of each team must hit 20 tennis balls fired from a machine, a challenge that Trey polishes off incredibly quickly. "We look over at Trey," Jaymes says, "and apparently when you wear the Andre Agassi headband, you play like Andre Agassi."
Meanwhile poor James has returned just six balls before his basket runs out. The second time, he nails it. Both teams head for the next stop, the spectacular Coves de Campanet, where they're told to follow the music -- flamenco guitar -- to find their next clue.
Back at the courts, the Beekmans seem bent on self-destruction because they send Josh -- yes, the one with the injured ankle -- out to play tennis. "Ah! Ah! Oh! Ah!" Josh wails as he stumbles around.
"He sounds like Monica Seles out there," Brent says.
Josh fails the first round, and the second. He collapses on the ground, miserable, and it takes the arrival of the twins -- at their most shrieky, whiny irksome -- to get Josh back on his feet, flailing at tennis balls.
Detour: Spin it or pull it
The teams now have a choice: They can meet up with Don Quixote and Sancho Panza (awesome!) at a 400-year-old windmill and repair it by attaching two giant blades to the wind tower -- or they can play the bull in a faux bull fight, charging nine matadors in two minutes or less. Both the Texans and Chippendales head off for a little toreador action, but when the Chippendales spot the windmills, they opt for that instead.
"Working at Chippendales we may have seen a construction outfit or two," Jaymes says, suiting up in a hard-hat and harness. "All right, Don Quixote, we're coming for you!"
The Texans head out in a two-man bull suit, Trey steering from behind. The first eight passes go fine but Lexi crashes into the ninth and slices up her finger. They head out again, this time with a tearful Lexi steering, her head poking out from the bull's posterior as she yells, "To the right! Straight! Left, baby!" They finish with 45 seconds to spare.
The pit stop is at the Castell de Bellver, where Phil is waiting with a headless man. No, really. Headless. Very cool. The Texans arrive at the mat first, winning a trip to the Yucatán. The Chippendales -- our favorite team -- comes in second, and the Beekmans are third.
"I have seen you limp, collapse, faint, fall down and you're still here," Phil tells them. "You're like the little train that could."
The twins are in last place and as we watch them finish the windmill task, we're treated to yet another round of nasal whining, shrieking and recrimination that goes on and on and on. Please let this not be a nonelimination round, please let this not be ...
Next time: It's the two-hour finale, and the final four must grapple with horses, plows, bungee jumping and a clonk on the head.