Darting here and there ...
Û We hear Lennay Kekua really likes the Atlanta Falcons this weekend. But that's only because she always was for the birds.
Û And who does Lance Armstrong like? Well, quite obviously, still himself.
Û If ever there was a future Raider, his name is Manti Te'o. But will Mr. Notre Dumb now be suspicious of all the mock drafts?
Û The truly sad thing is there probably are 5,000 real dames at Notre Dame who would have jumped at the chance to be Manti's main squeeze.
Û The first tipoff for Manti that his Internet relationship was a hoax should have been that his girlfriend wasn't named Candy or Misty.
Û Now that you're almost caught up on all of your Colin Kaepernick reading, prepare to watch a game that will be decided decisively by the 49ers defense.
Û 49ers 30, Atlanta 13. We have to atone for the Niners being our only missed pick of the postseason so far. Channeling our inner Te'o, how could we have been so stupid?
Û As much as an all-Harbaugh Super Bowl would be a hoot, it's going to be San Francisco against another NorCal kid who grew up in his backyard pretending to be Joe Montana. Tom Brady 33, Ray Lewis 24.
Û When Atlanta's running game is snuffed, Matt Ryan is going to look as distraught and beaten down as Rob and Rex Ryan by late Sunday afternoon.
Û Sit-up-and-take-notice stat of the week: Kaepernick had more yards rushing in one playoff game than Alex Smith had in his best regular season, 181 to 179.
Û Lost in all the hullabaloo about Kaepernick's legs: his laser arm. Almost all prior running quarterbacks (save maybe Randall Cunningham) have been popgun passers. Kaep throws ICBMs, and he's accurate.
Û Best news of the week for Kaepernick and 49ers fans: With all the NFL head coaching vacancies now filled, offensive coordinator Greg Roman probably won't be roamin'.
Û Then there's Chip Kelly, who faked out everybody once again -- possibly even the NCAA -- with his surprise ornithology upgrade, Ducks to Eagles.
Û First Lennay Kekua, and then some real Stanford women taking a basketball drubbing from Cal on their home court. Considering the series history, that sounds like a hoax, too.
Û As long as Stephen Curry is doubtful, the Warriors will be doubtful. Not a good sight, Steph and Andrew Bogut comparing their ankle swellings in street clothes.
Û LeBron James wasted no time getting his 20,000th career point at Oracle. How impressive is 20K at age 28? James already has outscored the likes of Magic Johnson, Kevin McHale, Jason Kidd, Chris Mullin, and just because we always liked him, World B. Free.
Û Bet you can't name the next NBA player who could get to 20,000. Would you believe former Warrior (now Laker) Antawn Jamison, who's only 500 short?
Û His Tour de France sins notwithstanding, we're all for Lance Armstrong competing in triathlons. Maybe, with any luck, he'll have a mishap in the swimming part.
Û This is the real Armstrong triathlon, in which he easily is the all-time master: Cheating, lying, bullying.
Û Two-part interview with Oprah. Two-part shower for us.
Û Speaking of insulting hypocrisy, how about that cloying full-page ad to fans from the National Hockey League? We're sorry, thanks, we love you, we really love you, we're really sorry, thanks again. The league forgot the P.S.: Come on back with your ATM card!
Û It's taken awhile, but at long last, San Jose fans finally can welcome back Brad Stuart, a Sharks draftee wearing a Sharks uniform who actually has a championship ring.
Û Bad Instagram Dept.: Photo of wheelchair-bound Pablo Sandoval in a Venezuela hospital with colitis. And no, we want no part of the back story.
Û We really could see it in the World Baseball Classic: Ryan Vogelsong death-staring the Panda in a prospective U.S.-Venezuela matchup. Also possible: Sergio Romo vs. Marco Scutaro. As Dick Enberg might say, Oh my.
Û The A's picked up two sweet Johns from Seattle this week: John Jaso, who'll likely be the new No. 1 catcher, and John Hickey, who'll be returning after 12 years to cover the team for the Bay Area News Group. Both sport high on-base percentages.
Û Finally, if we haven't been duped enough this week, the National Enquirer reported that Tiger Woods may soon remarry Elin Nordegren. Two words: National Enquirer. Those two-headed aliens that look like Elvis still haven't landed in our backyard.
Contact Carl Steward at email@example.com. More darting on Twitter @stewardsfolly.