Darting here and there ...

Û You heard about the proposal at AT&T Park. What you might not know is Kanye West and Kim Kardashian already have scoped out the Coliseum for the inevitable divorce proceeding.

Û If Kanye and Kim hold the wedding at Third and King, wait until the guests find out how much they charge for a beer at the no-host bar.

Û Word is Kim has already angrily demanded of Larry Baer that he be the ring bearer.

Û We should have known something was up when we spotted a garter on the high-kicking leg of the Juan Marichal statue.

Û Of course, this is the real reason Tim Lincecum re-signed with the Giants early. He wasn't going to Anaheim or the Bronx and miss this kind of stuff.

Û Two years, $35 million? Look, after Barry Zito, everything seems cheap, even if it isn't.

Û The A's entire rotation -- and that would even include free agent Bartolo Colon -- would love to have two years, $35 million to split among them.

Û A little-known clause in Lincecum's new contract is that he has to regrow the locks. The Giants have 100,000 posters stored away they couldn't sell after he surprised them with last year's haircut.

Û Let's hope baseball's current beard craze doesn't catch on with the Giants. Can you see Timmy sporting the Mike Napoli?

Û We don't know what's happening here, but we received our copies of Motor Trend, Scientific American and Golf Digest this week, and Stephen Curry is on the cover of all of them.


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Û At last, the NBA has decided to go to the 2-2-1-1-1 home-away format for the Finals. Hey, just in time for the Warriors!

Û Tim Tebow thinks the Warriors are being way overhyped before they've really done anything.

Û We're worried that Mark Jackson might be feeling the pressure of the Warriors' high expectations. His "at the end of the day" numbers are way down in the preseason.

Û New Star Dept.: It'll be fun this year to see how many pizzas Andre Iguodala can distribute during timeouts while he's putting together one of those 14-point, 10-assist, seven-rebound, five-steal lines.

Û ESPN.com ranked 500 NBA players in order of performance value this week, and here's your Ripley's Believe It Or Not: There are 136 players ranked below No. 364, Andris Biedrins.

Û Kent Bazemore, No. 332. Whew, that was close!

Û No truth to the rumor that Jim Harbaugh responded to a British reporter's questions by saying, "Oh, bollocks." But he did ask to be addressed as Lord Jim.

Û They drive on the left side of the road over there in London. That could provide a whole avenue of opportunity for the read-option come Sunday.

Û The 49ers are getting far more favorable attention from the Brits. For one, they adore people named Colin. For two, too many of them have owned Jaguars that break down all the time.

Û Patrick Willis didn't like the wet practice fields in Hertfordshire, so the final walk-through will be taking place on the grounds of Downton Abbey.

Û Not to be outdone, the Raiders will be going to London next year, and they've already booked their team hotel. Some place called The Tower. Sounds nice.

Û After finishing dead last in the Pac-12 in football graduation rates, Cal is speeding up plans to open up its School of Auto Shop next to Memorial Stadium. They've already picked a new dean, some guy named Gus.

Û Cal really has to address this problem. We can't be having former Bears signing their autographs "Old Blew, Clas of '13."

Û Cal football players did score amazingly well in math. Their professors simply had them add up all the "yards allowed" this season.

Û If the Stanford Band doesn't take full advantage of this Cal athletics degree showing during the Big Game, it should be dis-band-ed.

Û Fresh Bud Selig quote: "My father told me many years ago that life is nothing but a series of adjustments." Bud sort of follows the lesson. He makes adjustments after many years of seriously doing nothing.

Û Except in Oakland and San Jose, naturally.

Û Finally, somebody nudge Tim McCarver. It's the seventh inning.

Contact Carl Steward at csteward@bayareanewsgroup.com. More darting on Twitter @stewardsfolly.