DEAR AMY: I am saddened by my daughter's ongoing disappointment because we could not afford to send her to her dream college. Instead we are paying for her education at half the price (but still more than $26,000 a year) at an in-state school.
Everyone from school counselors to neighbors tells you about financial aid and all the scholarships out there. The truth is that going to college is expensive. Of course student loans are available, but I do not believe in saddling my child with debt that would take 10 to 20 years to pay off.
The problem is that my usually happy, intelligent daughter continues to complain about the school environment. She wanted a small school where professors know their students by name, not as a number. She is a good student but finds all the partying at this particular school distracting.
I think she is determined not to like this school. I have been saving since her birth to send her to school without a mountain of debt, but now that I have achieved this, I feel sad that she doesn't appreciate it.
Is there anything I can say or do to help this situation?
DEAR MOM: Your daughter needs to learn a lesson tougher than any course she will take in college: that she is responsible for her own success and happiness, now and beyond.
If this school is not a good fit for her, she
I recommend the book "Colleges That Change Lives: 40 Schools That Will Change the Way You Think About Colleges," by Loren Pope (2006, Penguin Books). This book will show you and your daughter that there is a potential great fit for every potentially great student.
DEAR AMY: Last week I was invited to my son and daughter-in-law's house. There were four couples there, along with their kids.
I was seated on the patio with some of the guests. When the last couple arrived, the husband introduced himself and his wife to the other couples and ignored me, as though the chair I was sitting in were empty.
I was horrified at his lack of manners. After he was seated, I turned to him laughing and said, "Hello, I'm the host's mother; am I invisible?" He apologized and as the evening advanced, I discovered he was a minister.
You might remind all the young people that when they encounter an old person, they should treat that person as they would like to be treated when they reach that age.
DEAR NOT INVISIBLE: Your letter touched me because my mother often remarked on one of the least recognized side effects of aging: invisibility.
The downsides of wearing a cloak of invisibility are obvious. On the other hand, you have a superpower. I vote that you should be the newest member of The Avengers. And everybody else should take heed: Nobody puts Granny in a corner.
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